A moment’s piece

I close my windows to deaden the world
Evidenced in every inhale and interaction, there’s nothing here for me
There’s no welcome for the unsmiled, only mislike and mistrust
I, pariah

Energetic children frolicking wildly in the park
A dog loudly greeting the stroke of a sunbeam
Bromidian neighbours chatting with animated alacrity
All assail my sensibilities, and inflame my self-loathing
I begin to wonder why I’m immune to felicific endeavours, why I’m immured by anemic intention
There’s nothing here

So, I gorge
On raw phyche du jour
A daily delicacy of skewed perception, with unrivaled conviction; a banquet for the unlighted
Carving the carrion to appreciate the adornment of marbling scars
Savoring the poison, as it courses through weakness to stockpile ammunition

In the open palm of darkness, this feast of sand and glass shreds my tongue and palate with insouciant diligence
Corner coils flex and throb in silence, obsessively gnashing the moments and mirrors
An imperceptible shake of the head, a furrow of brow, a denial to surface from the abyss
Actively submitting to my metacarpal necklace

A whiplash of ropes, and ichor invitations, emboss my extremities
They exaggerate, as I grip the chair to dissuade their penitential demands
My fingers ache to massage the flesh and fiber, to burrow, to bury the carnival freaks
To drain the risk in my calamity gambit

A bead of sweat navigates the contours of languish and decay, disabusing privileged comfort
An impudent muscle spasm disturbs the stilled focus, while I, on my viscera, dine
Desperate, ineffective pleas for mercy, perhaps
The unconscious persuasions, laughable

Of course, I hunger still to indulge my ravenous appetite
So I look on, as my super-ego and id wage their war over a shattered, worthless dominion
And I root for both
And for neither

Like a rolling boil of maggot machines, mayhemically devouring the carcass for survival, only to devour another, and another
Eat, breathe, repeat, repeat
Unmistakable marks of madness and masochism
They define any given moment, including this one

art: (untitled) by Zdzisław Beksiński